JOTD: NY Lawyer vs. TX Sheriff

[tbird430]

A NY lawyer runs a stop sign while traveling through the great state of Texas and gets pulled over by a sheriff's deputy.

He thinks that he is smarter than the deputy because he is a lawyer from New York, and is certain that he has a better education then any cop from Texas. He decides to prove this to himself and have some fun at the Texas deputy's expense.

The deputy says, 'License and registration, please.'

'What for?' asks the lawyer.

The deputy says, 'You didn't come to a complete stop at the stop sign.'

Then the lawyer says, 'I slowed down, and no one was coming.'

'You still didn't come to a complete stop,' replies the deputy. ‘License and registration, please.'

The lawyer asks, 'What's the difference?'

‘The difference is you have to come to complete stop, that's the law.'

'License and registration, please!' the Deputy stearnly repeats.

Lawyer says, 'If you can show me the legal difference between slow down and stop, I'll give you my license and registration; and you give me the ticket. If not, you let me go and don't give me the ticket.'

That sounds fair. Please exit your vehicle, sir,' the deputy says. At this point, the deputy takes out his nightstick and starts beating the crap out of the lawyer and says, 'Do you want me to stop, or just slow down?'

[SandyBoy]

A HOMELESS MAN'S FUNERAL

As a bagpiper, I play many gigs. Recently I was asked by a funeral director to play at a graveside service for a homeless man. He had no family or friends, so the service was to be at a pauper's cemetery in the Kentucky back country.

As I was not familiar with the backwoods, I got lost and, being a typical man, I didn't stop for directions. I finally arrived an hour late and saw the funeral guy had evidently gone and the he**** was nowhere in sight.

There were only the diggers and crew left and they were eating lunch. I felt badly and apologized to the men for being late. I went to the side of the grave and looked down and the vault lid was already in place. I didn't know what else to do, so I started to play.

The workers put down their lunches and began to gather around. I played out my heart and soul for this man with no family and friends. I played like I've never played before for this homeless man. And as I played 'Amazing Grace,' the workers began to weep. They wept, I wept, we all wept together.

When I finished I packed up my bagpipes and started for my car. Though my head hung low, my heart was full. As I opened the door to my car, I heard one of the workers say, "I never seen nothin' like that before and I've been putting in septic tanks for twenty years."

Apparently I'm still lost....

[Yellowbird]

Great jokes guys!!! You've made may Friday evening!!!!

Leonard

[Yellowbird]

Forgive the typo....you've made my Friday night.